14 things you may not know about orgasms

Orgasms: sometimes reaching one seems as complicated as reaching the magical land through the closet in “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe”—the tiniest wrong turn, or speed, and you just won’t get there. But, they aren’t all scary: there are some really great facts about the big O! Plus some comforting ones. Here’s what I learned from WomansDay.com

YOU NEED TO TENSE UP TO ORGASM

Contrary to the popular relief that you need to relax or go limp to orgasm, your likelihood of reaching orgasm increases when you tense up. Doing a Kegel (imitating the contraction you would do if you were trying to hold in urine) sends blood flow to your vaginal area, which helps with arousal.

THEY CAN REPLACE YOUR ADVIL

Because having an orgasm releases oxytocin—a chemical that induces feelings of relaxation, peace, safety and other positive feelings—they can briefly alleviate pain from everything like a headache to arthritis.

JUST THINKING OF AN ORGASM CAN RELIEVE PAIN

Research has shown that simply thinking about an orgasm—really thinking about it by closing your eyes, visualizing a partner and imagining the sensations—can relieve pain.

CONDOMS WON’T MINIMIZE YOUR ORGASM

Studies have found that women are just as likely to reach orgasm with or without a condom. In fact, some scientists speculate condoms may help a woman’s chances of reaching orgasm: since the man doesn’t need to worry about ejaculating too early and needing to pull out, he might be able to last longer.

1 IN 3 WOMEN STRUGGLE TO ORGASM

Planned Parenthood reports that 1 in 3 women struggle to orgasm with a partner, and as high as 80% of women struggle to orgasm from intercourse alone. As a whole, female sexual dysfunction (which includes failure to orgasm) is experienced by 43% of women.

THERE ARE MEDICATIONS THAT CAN HELP YOU ORGASM

Eros, an FDA-approved device, helps blood flow to the genitals and can up a woman’s chances of orgasm. There are also over-the-counter creams that can increase sensitivity in the vaginal region.

THE ORIGINS OF THE “G-SPOT”

Many women believe the “G-spot” simply stands for the “Good spot” but in fact it is named after Ernst Gräfenberg, MD, a German gynecologist that discovered the region of female genitalia that contains a large cluster of nerve endings.

ORGASMS IMPROVE WITH AGE

If you’re getting depressed about wrinkles or the effect gravity is taking on your boobs, here’s one thing to cheer up about regarding getting older: your sex life might get better! Studies have shown that more women in their 40’s and 50’s experience regular orgasms than women in their 30’s. There is no scientific reasoning behind these findings, but it could be because with time comes experience and older women know how to direct their partner to help them orgasm more.

VARIETY CAN HELP YOU ORGASM

Women have reported having an easier time climaxing if they incorporate several sexual acts or positions into a romp session. For example, having your partner both manually please you and have intercourse with you will make it more likely that you’ll orgasm than just one or the other.

IF YOU LOVE YOUR VAGINA, YOU’RE MORE LIKELY TO ORGASM

There is a link between a woman’s sexual confidence and her likelihood of orgasm. If a woman feels insecure about the way her vagina looks, feels, smells, tastes—you name it—she’ll struggle to orgasm. Just know that there is no such thing as a “normal” vagina and they come in all shapes, colors and sizes.

MEN DON’T REALIZE HOW INFREQUENT YOUR ORGASMS ARE

One study had 84% of men reporting that they believed their partner orgasmed last time they had sex, but only 64% of women reported having actually orgasmed during their last session in the sack. So, communicate! A lot of men don’t know that they need to work harder.

THERE IS SUCH THING AS THE SPONTANEOUS ORGASM

You may have heard tales of women who orgasmed from riding a horse or getting a massage, and some of them may be true! Certain activities stimulate blood flow to the genitals and induce relaxation, two crucial components to reaching orgasm.

FOR THE MOST PART, MEN ORGASM FIRST

It’s normal that a woman takes much longer than her male partner to reach orgasm. In fact studies have found that most women need at least 20 minutes of sexual activity to reach orgasm.

YOU CAN DELAY YOUR GUY’S ORGASM

If premature ejaculation on your partner’s part is making it impossible for you to orgasm, there is a way to slow him down, without ruining the mood: try applying firm pressure around the base of his penis with your hand.